We all have a few guilty pleasures. I have several, from putting anything possible in a sandwich – I’m including pasta in that – to secretly enjoying crap television. Guilty pleasure television is awesome, and there’s nothing better than sitting down to waste five hours watching some of the most godawful shows and secretly loving it. It’s the pixelated version of a greasy burger and cheesy chips; you know you shouldn’t be eating it, you know it’s bad, but it’s so damn good. Here’s a list of my top guilty pleasure TV shows.
1. Made In Chelsea
Why I find this so addictive is beyond me. I have nothing in common with these people. I don’t empathise with any of them. They have weird names – Caggie, Binky, Proudlock. They seem to spend a lot of time drinking cocktails and happening upon each other in little boutique shops, before discussing the events of the ski trip and gazing at each other, trying to look meaningful. Which is exactly why I love it. These people are so ridiculous, so on another level of absurdity, that it makes for excellent television viewing. After all, without sounding like a rich-person-hating-lefty, who wouldn’t want to see a load of rahhs struggling to come to terms with the fact that Spencer’s cheated on his latest beau?
2. Cheaters
I remember coming back from a night out, kebab in hand (I’m a classy girl, me), sitting in my friend’s living room and flicking through the television to see what was on at three in the morning. When we spied Cheaters, there was no question as to what we’d be watching. That’s the kind of television that Cheaters is; it’s 3am trash TV. For those who have never watched it before, the basic premise is a person believes their partner is cheating on them, so the “suspect” is followed by the Cheaters Detective Agency to provide evidence. This, coupled with the terrible overly-serious presenting of Joey Greco (who presented for twelve seasons – fourteen seasons got made!) makes for truly awful television viewing that I just can’t get enough of. There’s something wonderful about seeing a screaming woman running to confront her cheating spouse in a restaurant car park while a lagging cameraman tries to keep up.
3. Man vs Food
Anyone who says they don’t like this show is a LIAR. Yeah, you may think it’s nothing but gluttony, it’s such a waste of food, it’s disgusting to watch a man eat thousands of calories in one sitting. But you know, deep down in the dark recesses of your soul, there’s a part of you secretly thinking “I could do that.” There’s something disturbingly great about watching Adam Richman force himself to eat huge portions of food within a time limit while an overly enthusiastic crowd cheers him on. They do spice challenges too, but c’mon, we all know the quantity ones are better.It’s the equivalent of driving past a car accident, and you stare even though you desperately want to look away; this is food porn, and you can feel yourself getting full just watching it. It also makes you feel better about eating that whole sharing bag of Malteasers.
Sidenote: If you love this show – and you know you do – then you might want to YouTube ‘Epic Meal Time’. Thank me later.
4. Extreme Couponing
This is one of those American shows that makes me glad we don’t have the same things happening in England. Not because I consider living in America a bad thing – I don’t – but because I know if we did have extreme couponing in Britain, I’d be one of those addicted to it. I’d have the stockpile in the basement, I’d be making five separate transactions to get the most use out of my coupons and goddamn, I’d be anxiously gazing at the till reader watching that grand total go from hundreds of dollars to mere pennies. And the majority of the time in these episodes, the couponers give what they get from this huge shop to homeless charities. What the homeless are going to do with thirty boxes of cake mix, I don’t know, but still, it’s the thought.
5. Playing It Straight
This is one show I can’t quite believe got made, but it did, and when it aired I happily sat and watch both seasons. For those not in the loop, Playing It Straight involved a girl whittling down a group of guys to one over a series of weeks. The catch is some of these dudes are gay, and some are straight, and their aim to get the gal to believe they’re straight. If she picks a straight guy, they split the prize money equally, but if she picks a gay guy, then he walks away with the whole lot. You can see this as seriously demoralizing to the LGBT communities, it’s degrading and it’s using sexuality as a form of entertainment, I get that. I’m all for LGBT rights, I really am. But there’s something so depressingly addictive about that moment when she reveals who she’s evicting and he tells her if he’s gay or straight.
6. Snog Marry Avoid
Out of all these shows, I think this is the most cringe-worthy, and the one I’m most ashamed to admit to liking. POD – that’s the Personal Overhaul Device – and her companion travel the UK to find the biggest make-up offenders and lovers of fakery…I may be quoting straight from the show here. Anyway, they make over these make up abusers to show them…I don’t know, that maybe they don’t need the lashings of lipstick or the extreme extensions (I’ve just gone full alliteration now). The getting-ready routine is disturbing, the terrible wooden replies to POD are awful and the often under-whelmed reveals of their natural beauty is brilliant. Trash TV at it’s best.
7. My Super Sweet Sixteen
God the girls on this show are awful. You get the token boy, but the majority are girls. Spoilt, rich girls who honestly believe that they have a right to have the biggest, bestest party of the year because they’re turning sixteen. There’s the handing out of the invitations, normally done using some form of red carpet or helicopter. There’s the tantrums when they don’t get their own way. There’s a guest performer who I’ve never ever heard of but hundreds of screaming girls know. And there’s the big reveal of the present from Mummy and Daddy, normally a car. You hate them, but love it at the same time.
8. Four Weddings
I managed to stumble across this when my Mum got remarried and spent her wedding preparation months watching anything to do with weddings (Say Yes To The Dress, Bridezillas, Don’t Tell The Bride, etc etc). It’s wonderfully bitchy, where four brides judge each others’ weddings and give them marks on things like dress, location and food. The winner gets a honeymoon to some exotic location. There are some flashy, bizarre and downright awful weddings, but it makes for addictive viewing, and it’s really easy to watch four episodes in a row without realising.
9. Glee
Now, I am proud to be a Gleek. I have several Glee songs on my playlist, I personally love Brittany-Santana and if Sue Sylvester doesn’t make you howl with laughter then you’re dead to me. The reason it’s on the Guilty Pleasure list is purely due to the groans and sighs of dismay when people find out I enjoy it. Many of my friends are film and television students and several hate the show, claiming it cheesy and over the top. I study television as an art form, so surely I should only like quality television. However, Glee is quality television! I may feel guilty when I sit down and put on an episode, but darn, guilt isn’t going to stop me bopping along and singing to the covers. Not only is it feel-good, it deals with serious stuff too, teen pregnancy and coming out of the closet being two examples.
10. Footballers Wives
I can’t defend this one. I’m going to admit, I have no defense for loving this. The storylines were over the top, the acting wasn’t fantastic and a lot of it was ridiculous, but that will never stop me loving it. Who couldn’t love the bitchy determined Tanya, or the annoying squeal of Shannon? Yeah, some of the plot points may have been absurd (Tanya switched her baby with Amber’s, both believed to be fathered by Conrad, but Tanya’s real baby was actually fathered by club owner Frank, and she planned to slather her real kid in tanning lotion so Amber wouldn’t notice) but it was still fabulous to watch. I still get a little frisson of excitement every time I see that spinning football-disco-ball…
Ramblings of Rachools 